After a while I had to stop blaming the men and had to realize the common denominator is me. Sure, no one wants to actually admit this. It’s strange because I remember a time where I was NEVER single. I was younger (obvs), could drink a dude under the table, in my fitness prime, so having a boyfriend was incredibly easy, and this was way before dating sites became as wide spread as they are currently.
I date quite often. It still is pretty easy, however I suppose since I’m surrounded by weddings and babies I feel the fucking pressure. I’m basically a unicorn: No kids, No significant other. But in reality I’m a lonely unicorn. Some would say “oh you’re soooo young don’t rush anything.” Okay well fuck you because I haven’t had a legitimate stable relationship..ever. I was previously in a relationship with the following:
-First love..dated 7 years…recently told me he loved me after years of losing touch…and then he married someone else.
-Man who left his wife for me..resulting in the most unhealthy relationship of my life.
-Man who cheated…all the time….also incredibly unhealthy
-Married man…surprisingly he was the greatest friend and “boyfriend.” Together for a year…broke up because she found out.
This is what I’m working with, people. I attract leeches who see the sunshine inside of me and suck it right the fuck out, forcing me to become so fucking guarded. I recently was TRYING to date a newly separated man, and it killed me because I wanted to stay away from anyone involved with a marriage, but….it was love at first site. No joke. Fast forward, he was the most emotionally damaged person I ever met and it made me hate his wife so much for ruining such a great man. He is a carpenter and could wear the hell out of a pair of jeans. Sorry, that was my vagina typing. Ultimately he ended up working things out with his wife….or what he thinks is “working it out” so I was sort of cast aside. I feel bad for him because he really was never truly loved by a woman…but then again…..he had me. I wanted to show him that not every woman is like her. There’s actually a few amazing women left in the world. And although we both declared our feelings for one another, she will always take precedent because of their three beautiful children. Yes, I was willing to accept all of that for this man. You just had to be there and see how we looked at each other. Have you ever feel the earth come to a complete stop when you are in the presence of someone? I never wanted that feeling to leave. Well it did leave and I’m not mad or jaded, I just wish he would give us the slightest chance. But maybe the universe was trying to show me that I just wasn’t ready to be a step mom to three girls just yet. I mean, I’m not even 30 yet.
Perhaps I’m just too damn nice. When I get into a relationship, I put their needs before mine, always. I think most women are life that…it’s the nurturer inside of us. I also think majority of men aren’t used to it and that’s probably why they take advantage of it. I’m worried about what HE will eat or if HE did his laundry or if HE has enough groceries or whatever scenario my crazy brain thinks of. I’m not the type of girl that goes to clubs anymore…on a Saturday night I’m probably catching up on housework or homework…not “turning up” in the shortest dress in my closet. So it’s not like if my boyfriend and I get into a fight he will worry that I might meet another guy out in the clubs…no…he knows I’m on the couch probably watching the Hallmark channel. I AM NO THREAT. It seems as though men like the drama factor in a relationship. I’m not quite sure why. They claim to want drama free, but I think they secretly like the drama and the arguing and the whining and the nagging. Me….I’m freaking boring. Maybe THAT’S my problem, maybe I need to be a nagging bitch face.